We have a new feature here at Newsicorn–Cage Match.
We figure with the success of the Mad Max reboot and BattleBots on network TV, and our ongoing drama of the political season, we just had to bring you our take on hypothetical battles in the world around us–political, in pop culture, or elsewhere.
Our goals are to inform and speculate and engage you, our readers, in the process. Please add your comments and let us know if you agree or disagree with our conclusions and predictions. Of course, if these Cage Matches ever occur in the real world, we will be able to see how accurate our predictions have been.
Without further ado, we bring you Cage Match #1: Donald “The Capitalist Crusader” Trump vs. Bernie “Super Socialist” Sanders.
But we need data. Let’s get informed.
|Born||Donald John Trump
June 14, 1946
Queens, New York City
|Alma mater||Fordham University (transferred)
University of Pennsylvania
|Net worth||US$2.9 billion (July 2015)|
|Political party||Republican (Before 1999; 2009–11; 2012–present)
Reform Party (1999–2001)
|Spouse(s)||Ivana Zelníčková (1977–92)
Marla Maples (1993–99)
Melania Knauss (2005–present)
|Children||Donald Jr., Ivanka, Eric, Tiffany, and Barron|
He says he’s worth $10 billion so we guess he’s rounding up. Heh.
And now Bernie Sanders:
September 8, 1941
Brooklyn, New York, U.S.
|Political party||Independent (caucuses with theDemocratic Party)|
|Liberty Union (1971–1979)
|Spouse(s)||Deborah Shiling (1964–1966)
Jane (O’Meara) Driscoll (1988–present)
|Children||Levi (with Susan Mott)
|Alma mater||University of Chicago|
He would be the first socialist President (well, since Woodrow Wilson) and the first Jewish President (that we know of).
Donald = Rich and outspoken. Timeless?
Bernie = Not rich but outspoken. If he were rich, he’d have to share it with everyone around him. Old.
Donald = bane of Republican establishment, possible secret Hillary plant, or merged reincarnation of Ronald Reagan and P.T. Barnum
Bernie = bane of Hillary Clinton and like Trump a “is he for real?” candidate
And the winner is…
Click here to add your own text